Is it all falling apart ?

If you finally say to yourself as I did many years ago, "Is it all falling apart" then you definitely are ready to give LIFE another shot.  I know! believe me when I say that. I do remember when getting high, drunk, spent, tweaked, tuned, tanked, smashed, hammered & wasted used to be fun. Yes, I said FUN. If you want to call jumping your 1977 VW Shirraco over a 4-5 foot dirt mound because I thought I was on the freeway on-ramp- fun!


Or how about not knowing how you got from Laguna Niguel, Ca., then realizing that you were on your way to Las Vegas, Yes, I'm talking over 150 miles of NO recollection of driving. I even had money that I had no idea where it came from. Not until 29 days later when the credit card statement came. Even more embarrassing, I disputed the transaction and the bank sent me my picture from the ATM camera- yeah, and there was my dead face picture looking right at me!, scary as hell.


Or do you want me to tell you the time I ran in to the back of a car, because of nodding off behind the wheel. The worst feeling in the world is when you see that that car had a Baby in it, and the Mother wanted to kill me. I could sense her utter disgust in me. I could not have felt more horrible in my life. Why? because I was responsible. Thankfully I sobered up before the cops came and I was only going about 15 mph. but it could have been much worse.


After that, I said those words, "Is it all falling apart" I asked for help , and got it. Thankfully before I killed someone. There are many people in prison telling a different side of their story that didn't go the way mine did. I couldn't bare knowing I took a human life because of just wanting to satisfy my craving. I would die of shame in prison.


But now, this is where the story has more hope.  By going to recovery, I have learned first of all.  This addiction we speak of is, "A disease of the mind, coupled with an obsession of the body"  Please re-read that to yourself several times until it sinks in. So- what to do, it's simple, but hard to do!  You have to change everything you do from this day forward. Your thinking, your driving routes, your friends, your compulsions and how you act on them. Yeah, everything. The old you must die, and unfortunately we must kill him or her ourselves. 


Good luck to you and God be with you because remember.  You could be one of those people in prison thinking back on what you did.  Lets NOT let that happen, Please.


Michael Angelo

Don't ever let your guard down

There's one thing you can always count on with any addiction. "When your guard is down, and your weak, the Devil will strike" I have been fighting various addictions for over 35 years. From Cocaine & alcohol, to all sorts of pain-killers and everything in-between,  I did them.


The point I'm trying to make is that "your NEVER out of the woods" or in a safe zone. The drug, or someone with the drug will always find you- and they will happen to find you when your weak. That's how it always works. That's NOT a good thing, it's the way Satan attacks us.  Yes that's right, I believe in Satan. I know he's real because I've seen  him, just as I've seen Jesus. In a dream yes- but it's one way the Lord will choose to communicate. 


We can never be without or guard, allow me to clarify.  My guard is the word of God, The Bible, scripture to be more accurate. When the temptation is upon me - I need to recall some scripture to allow my spirit to get pumped up. Nothing is more powerful than the "word of God".  Satan cannot win when we pull out scripture, so he devises sneaky, evil, deceitful ways to penetrate the armor or at least allow us to lower it momentarily so he can get into our head.  ex: Maybe it's a friend who appears to you in the middle of the night.  He's down and out and needs a place to stay. We give in- then sometime during the evening it happens "the friend pulls out the dope" your caught off guard- just for a moment, but it's enough to find us weak and vulnerable.  Then It's too late!


You finally come around, 2-3 days later after a severe  bender. The friend is gone and so is your money, your pride and whatever sobriety time you had managed to put together.  Now I'm really screwed, because I need more to feel normal again. The cycle is now started once again. He's got me right where he wants me.  Time to get back on track


Always keep your guard up... Please let this be a lesson to us all.


Michael Angelo