Life evaluation;

I can remember the first time I used my drug of choice, it was great. I can remember a few years of actually having fun too; but then everything just kinda went on autopilot. The years just flew by, the money problems, the speeding tickets, the fights with the wife for being out for 2-3 days without so much as a phone call. Then I can remember the break-ups and the crying and all I could think about was doing more dope. How can a person with good morals be so cruel and insensitive? how could I have done that? Then you fast-forward 28 years later and I have nothing to show for all of that wasted time, nothing but awful memories of trying to catch-up, make rent, buy food, raise the kids, buy them clothes, car payments, Christmas times, just holding a job became difficult. There's no going back to fix it, there's nothing anyone can do. Now I suffer from bad health and debt to constantly remind myself of what happened. How could something have such a hold on me for so long without me knowing what was going on? That's why they call it an addiction; your mind takes over what the body craves. It's a difficult and every day struggle just to stay clean and out of that lifestyle. I guess I made it, it just doesn't feel like it yet. posted by; michaelangelo