The Mastery of Love by Miguel Ruiz

I read yesterday that our mind tries to tell the body what it needs. How absurd is that? The mind can't feel hunger, cold, anger, or love. Only the body FEELS! So when your mind is messing with you, check the status of your basic physical needs and see if the mind lines up. The mind might tell you to kill yourself but the body fights the urge. Because the mind is tricking you to try and believe a lie from the devil. Tell the devil to go to hell and put down the pills, the gun, the needle. Speak to your self out loud what God says about you and you will feel stronger and better shortly after like I did today. God help us to tell the mind to shut up. If your mind is telling you to take another bite but your stomach is full. Who are you going to believe?

What to do with your co-dependant

One thing I have noticed since I have changed my ways of using and abusing. The people that used to have to "took care of me" so to say. You know what I mean; the wife, sister, parent or good friend that would always be there to bail you out of bad situations- like helping me cover a bill or funding some cash till next pay day. Or even someone that we would have call our boss because we knew we were not going to be able to go into work that day.  Yeah, those people, what happens to them when they can't obsess or control or take care of me or you. They suddenly feel they have no purpose or they don't have anything to do. They find ways to start controlling other situations, whether it be the way things are done in the home or the planning of specific events, You see the co-dependant is often times more screwed up than the addict because that feeling of need and doing good has become useless. Theres no need to take care of an addict when he or she takes their life back and wants to control their own destiny. What has to happen is the co-dependant, just like the addict; has to get their own life back. They have to find things to do that are healthy and productive in their own lives. They need to stop thinking about the addict. Let Go!

This is why you often find out that "Joe got sober so Mary left him", you would think all things should be back to normal after you get clean and sober. The marriage usually doesn't work out because "Joe" got sober but "Mary" didn't get help with her co-dependency. Often times the co-dependant thinks that what their doing is out of love not co-dependency. It's so important that the closest people to the addict or alcoholic get help. The odds are that 78% don't get help and that is why we see so many marriages that fall apart after the addict gets clean. There are so many programs out there that offer help in this area. First you want to find out if you are co-dependant. Check this web-site and see if it rings any bells;  http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/signs-of-a-codependent-relationship , here is another that may help mothers who have had issues with their sons or daughters;  http://www.soulwork.net/sw_articles_eng/little_prince.htm . All of the parents out there who have lost or damaged relationships with their adult addict children can benefit by the extensive amount of information that is out there on this topic. It all boils down to the question we need to ask ourselves; do we want to be in control? or do we want to be happy?

Michael Angelo

Quote of the Day

SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by MARSHA BURNS: What's done is done. You can't change the past, but you can make a decision to let go of all that will hinder your walk of faith. Establish yourself in strong faith through hearing the Word. Take one step at a time without projecting into the future. Otherwise, you could get overwhelmed, says the Lord. Move forward with renewed hope. Romans 10:17 So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

Let It Go!

"Let it go" is a a quote from an Autistic student of mine that I had about 3 years ago. This young man didn't say much in class but when he saw me getting upset, the first thing out of his mouth to the class was "Let it go Ms. D". And the only way he would stop saying this phrase was if I repeated it back in an appropriate manner. If I said it loud or angry, it wasn't good enough. I had to say it in the right tone that was heartfelt or he wouldn't have it. He was my gauge at that time in my life for my anger and now when I get to that point, I hear his voice saying to me "Let it go Ms. D". However, yesterday when I was attacked on the phone by one of my parents like I wasn't even there, I didn't hear the words come to me. I sank back and stayed silent. I didn't fight back, I didn't defend myself. I could only continue with what I was there to do and that was to finish an IEP meeting. Later when I shared with my husband why I was upset I realized, it really hurt me. Even though it wasn't my fault why this parent was angry, I took it personal. Attacks on our character even when we are not at fault can be hard to accept. I know I need to "Let it go" but even today, I'm hurt and don't understand why someone would act so unprofessionally on the phone in a teleconference. These kinds of experiences are supposed to make us stronger, better, and wiser but all I can think of is God let me down. This woman got away with hurting me on that call and although the other members encouraged me and stated afterwards that it was uncalled for, I still take it personal on my character. No matter how much we want to help others, they don't always want our help. Being someone that likes control, I had to "Let go and let God". So thanks M, I will try and let it go.

Wide Awake by Katy Perry

"Wide Awake" I'm wide awake I'm wide awake I'm wide awake Yeah, I was in the dark I was falling hard With an open heart I'm wide awake How did I read the stars so wrong? I'm wide awake And now it's clear to me That everything you see Ain't always what it seems I'm wide awake Yeah, I was dreaming for so long [Pre-Chorus] I wish I knew then What I know now Wouldn't dive in Wouldn't bow down Gravity hurts You made it so sweet 'Til I woke up on On the concrete [Chorus] Falling from cloud 9 Crashing from the high I'm letting go tonight Yeah, I'm falling from cloud 9 I'm wide awake Not losing any sleep I picked up every piece And landed on my feet I'm wide awake Need nothing to complete myself, no I'm wide awake Yeah, I am born again Out of the lion's den I don't have to pretend And it's too late The story's over now, the end [Pre-Chorus] I wish I knew then What I know now Wouldn't dive in Wouldn't bow down Gravity hurts You made it so sweet 'Til I woke up on On the concrete [Chorus] Falling from cloud 9 (it was out of the blue) I'm crashing from the high I'm letting go tonight (yeah, I'm letting you go) I'm falling from cloud 9 I'm wide awake Thunder rumbling Castles crumbling I'm wide awake I am trying to hold on I'm wide awake God knows that I tried Seeing the bright side I'm wide awake But I'm not blind anymore... I'm wide awake I'm wide awake [Chorus] Yeah, I'm falling from cloud 9 (it was out of the blue) I'm crashing from the high You know I'm letting go tonight (yeah, I'm letting you go) I'm falling from cloud 9 I'm wide awake I'm wide awake I'm wide awake I'm wide awake I'm wide awake

Flight

My husband and I went and saw Flight last night and afterwards, I felt literally nauseated. If you haven't seen the movie, you might not want to read anymore until after you have seen it. Denzel Washington plays a pilot who learned to fly in the Navy and because of his dad who was part of the Tuskagee Airmen. I'm not sure if this movie is based on a true story but based on the story, I'm sure it has happened before relating to the actual intoxication of the pilot. After the plane crash, "Whip" (Denzel) the pilot is brought up on charges of the plane crash due to his alcohol level that was 2.5 on the tox screen at the hospital along with his girl friend, one of the flight attendants. Fortunately, even though he was wasted and hadn't slept much, he saved all souls (as they refer to the passengers and staff) on the plane except 6. So the manufacturer of the plane didn't want the error on their record so they looked to blame Whip. Finally, because Whip might face time in prison he agrees to let the lawyer of the airline and his superior put him in a hotel to keep him sober. He does great while he stays at his friend's house but once they put him in the hotel with a guard the opportunity arises to drink yet again even though the hearing is to take place the next morning. End of the scene: Whip walks steadily and focuses on the small black frig that is in all hotel rooms and the first thing I feel is, "Oh God No!" Please don't let there be alcohol in that frig!! Thankfully and wisely, the lawyer and rep take the time to empty the frig and fill it with non-alcoholic beverages...whew! I was nervous. He eats his steak dinner and tries to find something to watch on TV but he really isn't OK because he wants a drink real bad. In the middle of the night, he hears knocking at his room and he can't figure out where it is coming from. However, he gets up to check and low and behold, the attached room is where the knocking is coming from. He opens his side of the door and he sees that the other adjoining door is knocking against his door because the window is open and vacant and the wind is causing the knocking on the unclosed door! Scene change: We all knew, the opportunity would come for him to take that drink that would ultimately be the end and there it is again. That little black frig and what it held was keeping the audience on pins and needles. It made me want to yell out, "go back"! "Don't open that frig"! But as you know by now based on what likely happens is that he does open the frig and it is filled with nothing but alcohol. Every possible kind. He takes the small clear bottle of Vodka, opens it slowly, smells it, and ponders in his mind, "Should I drink this"? He slams it down on the top of the frig and you want to cheer! Scene change: The lawyer and the rep knock on the door to get him to the hearing and have coffee in their hands for Whip, but he doesn't answer. All that was going through my head was, please let him be in the shower, please let him open the door. But he doesn't! They open the hotel room door with the extra key that the guard has and then you see it! The room is a mess, bottles everywhere, and there is Whip on the bathroom floor, bleeding! First thought: he's dead! But no, he's not, he's just drunk. So what do they do, they call his addict supplying friend and all they can think of is how can we get him ready for the hearing in an hour. The Coke supplier shows up on the scene and pulls out the Coke! He gets Whip exactly what he needs to pick him up and get him ready to be presentable in his suit walking stable with a band aid on his head from the fall. He sits before the hearing committee and he's doing great but then the final question comes. "Based on the tox screen of your girl friend (stewardess) her tox level was .17, there was no beverage service on the plane due to the horrible turbulence so who drank the 2 small bottles of gin Mr. Whitaker?" He ponders what seems like hours and they all want him to say it was his girlfriend who drank that morning on the plane, but she was dead from the crash, and Whip loved her and this was his defining moment and he remembered what he heard at the short time at the AA meeting that his current girl friend got him to go to~he remembers the alcoholic who was speaking talk about all the lies, and he finally speaks, "NO, she did not drink the the 2 bottles of gin, I did!" And, there you have it. He finally admits his wrongs, states he is drunk and on coke and the room goes silent. Scene change: In prison, he is talking to other addicts and sharing his story, he admits his wrongs again to them and talks about how what he got, the 5 years in prison, losing his pilot's license, and the unforgiveness from some of the families of the deceased and he says, "That was all fair", but for the first time in my life, I am free"! So there you have it! This made me think of all the addicts in my life, my father, my brothers, my sons, my dead boyfriend from my childhood, my ex, and so many more and I begin to get choked up and feel sick. It's Thanksgiving tomorrow and so many people will celebrate with alcohol and drugs, but I will not. I choose not to participate in that even though I have never been an addict, I will not add to the problem for my son or whoever else shows up. I am sick of it all. I am saddened and angry that a liquid and a substance has the power to kill, steal, and destroy my family and those I love and have loved. I pray today and ask you to stand with me as I make this decision not to drink whether or not I'm an addict tomorrow. I pray that addicts and co-dependents everywhere will choose today, right now, not to let the enemy steal from you anymore the life and freedom you could have, that God has waiting for you. God bless you this holiday season! ACA AA Celebrate Recovery Born Again Christian

Addiction has many phases;

Just because you've stopped abusing your "drug of choice" doesn't mean everything is going to miraculously get better. There is many steps to recovery; I needed to make amends to all those people that I had harmed and there were many. I also need to get right financially with all those creditors. Then I needed to try to fill my time with something useful rather than destructive. There is also that difficult task of cutting off anyone that reminds you of using, most of my old buddies thought it was just a phase. But remember, they will aways be patient to wait for you till your are weak and ready to get loaded again. A good support group is essential. A lot of churches have "CR" recovery groups.

I believe what saves me is trying to keep busy, I started school again to keep my mental status involved in something constructive, unfortunately I found that I had ADD, which may have been caused by excessive drug abuse. I am in somewhat of a fog again so I admit it's always a struggle. So I am always at risk of going back to that lifestyle. But I have come to far to continue that path of destruction.

May God help you find the correct remedy for your recovery;

Michael Angelo