Is it all falling apart ?

If you finally say to yourself as I did many years ago, "Is it all falling apart" then you definitely are ready to give LIFE another shot.  I know! believe me when I say that. I do remember when getting high, drunk, spent, tweaked, tuned, tanked, smashed, hammered & wasted used to be fun. Yes, I said FUN. If you want to call jumping your 1977 VW Shirraco over a 4-5 foot dirt mound because I thought I was on the freeway on-ramp- fun!


Or how about not knowing how you got from Laguna Niguel, Ca., then realizing that you were on your way to Las Vegas, Yes, I'm talking over 150 miles of NO recollection of driving. I even had money that I had no idea where it came from. Not until 29 days later when the credit card statement came. Even more embarrassing, I disputed the transaction and the bank sent me my picture from the ATM camera- yeah, and there was my dead face picture looking right at me!, scary as hell.


Or do you want me to tell you the time I ran in to the back of a car, because of nodding off behind the wheel. The worst feeling in the world is when you see that that car had a Baby in it, and the Mother wanted to kill me. I could sense her utter disgust in me. I could not have felt more horrible in my life. Why? because I was responsible. Thankfully I sobered up before the cops came and I was only going about 15 mph. but it could have been much worse.


After that, I said those words, "Is it all falling apart" I asked for help , and got it. Thankfully before I killed someone. There are many people in prison telling a different side of their story that didn't go the way mine did. I couldn't bare knowing I took a human life because of just wanting to satisfy my craving. I would die of shame in prison.


But now, this is where the story has more hope.  By going to recovery, I have learned first of all.  This addiction we speak of is, "A disease of the mind, coupled with an obsession of the body"  Please re-read that to yourself several times until it sinks in. So- what to do, it's simple, but hard to do!  You have to change everything you do from this day forward. Your thinking, your driving routes, your friends, your compulsions and how you act on them. Yeah, everything. The old you must die, and unfortunately we must kill him or her ourselves. 


Good luck to you and God be with you because remember.  You could be one of those people in prison thinking back on what you did.  Lets NOT let that happen, Please.


Michael Angelo