Post-Op

Prescribed medications for pain can be a pain. I just got home from foot surgery on the 21st of December and although it went very well, there is still the healing that has to take place that means taking pain pills. I was prescribed 10 mg of Norco or Hydrocodone.  It has helped me get through the discomfort and pain of the swelling of my foot but it also makes me feel quite strange.  I am not a pill popper and I never have been.  I don't even like taking Tylenol.  I always have felt that listening to my bodies aches and pains was a way to give it what it needed. 

For my recovery, I have had to keep my foot elevated, use ice 3 times a day, and only be up 4 out of 24 hours each day for 2 weeks.  I have done this for 1 week now and I have to say, I feel really good.  I feel so good that I don't think I need the pain pills anymore.  They are making me fall asleep when I want to be awake, they are giving me acid reflux, I am now constipated daily for the first time in my life, and they are making me a little emotional at times.  Not to mention that I have to be woken up 2 times to be given my pill.  For me, this is no fun.

I emailed my doctor to ask him if I can cut back but I have a feeling that I am at the goal they intended for my pain medication.  In other words, I am thinking that I don't need them because I don't feel pain, but perhaps I am not having pain because I am taking the pills as prescribed without fail thanks to my husband.

I am wondering how I will feel once I have to discontinue taking them altogether.  Will I feel strange, will I crave them?  I have never been addicted to anything so I am not sure what to expect. 

I hope someone out there can give me a heads up of what's coming.

Anonymous

Exercise Addiction?

Definitions and Measures of Exercise Dependence 

This research is very timely with so many gyms being opened and so many people joining gyms even when they can’t afford food.  I am basing this on people I know personally.  

This research about exercise was mainly focusing on runners but I feel that it can be applied to any exercise addict.  Allegre, Souville, Therme, & Griffiths (2006), state that this addiction has been found to have similarities to anorexia or eating disorders.  This seems feasible since anorexics, like runner addicts according to the research say that the fixation is about remaining thin.  Also, the runner, like an addict, experiences a euphoric feeling after a run.  The term ‘‘exercise dependence’’ was first used to describe cases of ‘‘over commitment’’ to exercise in middle-aged men who continued to run despite injuries and other complications (Little 1969 as cited in Allegre, Souville, Therme, & Griffiths, 2006). 

Allegre, Souville, Therme, & Griffiths (2006), inform us that there is a difference between commitment and dependence.  Like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) the question always comes back to how is the activity affecting you or your family?  In addition, committed exercisers organize exercise round their lives, while dependent exercisers organize their life round exercise (Cockerill and Riddington 1996 as cited in Allegre, Souville, Therme, & Griffiths, 2006). Consequently, exercise behavior may be viewed as a continuum, which ranges from a healthy and sociable habit to one that is pathologic and addictive Allegre, Souville, Therme, & Griffiths, 2006).

Obligatory exercise has been described as an addiction (Draeger et al. 2005 as cited in Allegre, Souville, Therme, & Griffiths, 2006). However, obligatory implies that participants may feel obliged to exercise when the motive is no longer to improve performance, but to reduce or avoid any emotional problem that arise if they are unable to exercise (Draeger et al. 2005 Allegre, Souville, Therme, & Griffiths, 2006).

This research will assist me in discussing a healthy lifestyle with the youth I teach to and educating them on balance in their lives.  Too much of anything can harm you as everyone knows.  Understanding the difference between feeling obligatory versus knowing that we should all exercise a few times a week to stay healthy is the issue.  Van Wormer & Davis (2008), state that simple exercise is effective in reducing tension and in elevating mood because, with continuous activity, the body produces endorphins the natural way. 

The ethical concerns for the study would be based on whether or not the participants had to over exercise to participate.  That in and of itself is abuse allowed without treatment.  Whether or not treatment was offered once the research was complete is unknown. 

Allegre, B., Souville, M., Therme, P., & Griffiths, M. (2006). Definitions and measures of exercise dependence. Addiction Research & Theory, 14(6), 631-646. doi:10.1080/16066350600903302

Van Wormer, K., & Davis,R. (2008). Addiction treatment: A strengths perspective (2nd ed.). Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole.

Thank God for AA Meetings

OK, well I went to an AA meeting tonight and boy was I taken down a few pegs.  I heard one woman say that in the past she would not take care of herself just so she could get pain meds. I finally understand that statement. So when you are told to take care of yourself and rest your leg or your back or your foot and you don't do it but instead you tell your doctor that you need drugs~you have just set yourself up for failure with your sobriety. However, like this woman shared, she knew exactly what she was doing and she is now trying to take care of her broken leg so that she doesn't need the pain meds.

And when you get to step 5 and it takes forever or you just keep going back to step 4, there is a reason for this.  Its hard to trust someone and tell them everything you have done wrong to people, especially people you love. 

Although I'm not an addict, I have been a co-dependent person.  It is not my job to fix anyone.  It is not my job to judge anyone.  It is not my job to try and understand the life of an addict because I have never been one.  However, it is my job to "Let go and let God".  It is my job to love the addict but not the addiction.  It is my job to only fix myself.  I choose to call Jesus Christ as my higher power and He is the only one who can fix me.  I am sorry to any addict that I have not done this with.  I was wrong!  Please forgive me. It is not my job to fix you or pray that you will one day be like me.  I know now that will never happen.I love you regardless. I will continue to pray for you.

I have learned that I need to trust in order to live.  And that's what I am going to do and have been doing with my walk with God. It feels great!  Walk by faith, not by sight!

Thankful

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful that I am not at addict.  I am thankful that as a recovering co-dependent and a Adult Child of an Alcoholic that I am coming to understand a power much greater than myself.  I know that I must "Let Go and Let God" so that I can be free of controlling behavior that can only hurt me and those around me.  I am thankful that I have a home, food, pretty good health, a loving husband, a car, a job, clothes, a church, people that pray for me, and a family that loves me in spite of myself.  Thank you Jesus that you died for me so that I can have everlasting life.  

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen. --Reinhold Niebuhr

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you who read this blog....

Start a New Day!

It is good to clear the air! Whether or not we agree to disagree, sever a relationship, or start a relationship over, it is good to clear the air.  Even if the parties you clear the air with don't respond, it is still what God wants us to do.  We are only accountable for ourselves.  I have been hurt by addicts, and I have hurt addicts.  Being co-dependent can be harmful to relationships.  However, co-dependency comes in many forms just like denial. 

Only 1.2 million out of 2.3 million addicts ever ask and seek help (SAMHSA).  This is a very sad statistic.  This means that 1.1 million people are walking around in denial.  These are denials of behaviors that they need to address, addictions they need to discontinue, and people they need to quit abusing. When the addict gets help, lives change. 

The question is, do you want to change?

http://www.samhsa.gov/

Addiction Is Not an Excuse!

Some addicts think that because they have had issues all their life they can step on people, take advantage of family, and leech off of everyone.  However, being hooked on drugs, booze, porn, or gamblling doesn't give you a license to be cruel and self absorbed, or does it?  Addicts are known for their selfishness but when my father was alive during his alcoholic years, he was never like that. He was a giver.  Most addicts are takers it seems.  My own family members who are addicts cannot see past their own needs which affects the whole family.  The division this type of attitude causes is horrific for a family.  Not only does it cause sadness and mistrust but it also causes family members to say, "No more"! 

Family members do not have to be taken advantage of by the addict just because they are family.  God wants us to stand for what it right even if it means cutting your ties to mother, father, sister, or brother.  So be it!

Learn to "Go-Without" so you can grow from within.

The world is filled with broken promises, misleading assumptions and week to week broken commitments. What we have to do as recovering addicts and alcoholics is to get past those days of relying on other people to help us out. Out of Love, they want to help, but they have their own commitments and priorities in life.  I'm sorry to say, I'm not important enough to some, and definitely not to the many, but I only need to answer to One.

We have learned by our conning days, how to actually get people to help us with a few dollars here and there. But if you ever want to ruin a family relationship; just borrow a large enough sum of money and don't pay it back. You will see that relationship crumble like a dried up piece of corn bread.

We need to take care of ourselves. As hard as it is sometimes, we need to figure out ways to do the impossible-without help from anyone, especially family. They will not always be there. Even though a lot of us are sober and doing the best we can, we think by doing that, people will help us. We have what professionals call, "A sense of entitlement" Why? because were trying so hard. Well that's why they call it life, and not Fun. It's hard to survive, it's harder when were recovering. I know, I'm trying and I myself still ask for help from family. Sometimes they can, sometimes they can't. Sometimes they want to but other family members get to them first. It just becomes a viscous cycle of asking one family member, then asking another to help so you can pay off the first person. It's like our own little "Ponsi-Sceem".

The best thing we can do for ourselves sometimes is to just go without. We have a "go" campaign at the church I attend, and this week it's "go without" of course it's supposed to be so you /me can help someone else. The problem is "I'm the one that needs help" It's ironic. But just going without tends to build character. I don't care if you have a child or not, the same applies. Yes, your child is suffering because you/me can't support her or him because we haven't learned to manage our own lives. This will build character. Not only in us, but in that child as well.

So stop relying on help from family, sometimes they just can't do it. They may  or they may not really want to help.  Have you ever asked them that? I would say most of them can't be truthful. I remember when I had to tell my Son, "I can't help you anymore" I meant it too. Well he learned to survive without my help, imagine that. Remember, God is there, he's always there.

Michael Angelo

Sometimes the effects of using take a while

I'm a lot older now and I really didn't think I drank that much before stopping completely when I was 30 years old. But the other things that I put into my body have indeed taken their toll. I recently had a hospital visit and I wont go into the diagnosis but I can be almost certain it was due to the chemicals I ingested into my system. Remember, everything passes through the liver and kidneys and there are some drugs that will eventually take a toll on your digestive track, as well as gallbladder and pancreas. These organs that we were given at birth start out excellent, like a brand new engine with fresh new oil and proper moving parts. But without maintenance, care and exercise; as well as abstinence or minimum ingestion of alcohol and drugs. The internal organs will start to deteriorate.

I now know at 55 years old that I need to take great concern in what I put into my body. That includes anything from food to over the counter medication. But lets not forget those Doctor prescriptions. That's right, we need to be very diligent on what is in the medication were taking. How will this effect me and will my worn out organs be able to process them.

My results and experience is only one of many that can occur from drinking and using. Even if it was in the past. But I truly believe that our bodies are a wonder of science because God created us to heal ourselves and to treat our bodies well. So please try to think about all that you put into your body and the effects that it could have on your health.

Michael Angelo

Where am I today

There has been a lot that has happened in the years of sobriety vs. the years of using. Today I am in School attempting my Associates degree.  I say attempting because we never know what the future holds for us.  I know I am doing all I can to give myself the best odds to graduate, and that's all I can ask of myself.  But in the past, I would have never attempted anything like this. I would have resigned myself to; "it's too hard" or   "I just don't have the time", or "something bad will happen if I start School".

Now I know that nothing bad is going to happen if I start School. It's just going to take time, it's going to be hard, it's going to take effort on my part to ensure success.  I have learned that School is "Just like Life". If you want to succeed in life, we have to be willing to put adequate time into it to ensure success. Remember, success is relative. What I mean is; my meaning of success is going to be different than yours. Not better, not worse, just different. 

What I can relate and convey to any recovering addict/ alcoholic still suffering is; The investment that we make in ourselves, is the best investment that we can make towards our future happiness. I know for a fact that one of the things I would always say when I was coming down from a 5-day binge. "I just want to be happy" Today I can say I'm happy and I am somewhat proud of myself.  But by the same token, I know where I came from and it wouldn't take much to get me back in the life of addiction, Prison or Death.

Today, I choose Life and to move forward. I wish you the same.  God be with you on your journey to happiness.


Michael Angelo

Recovery

As a recovering co-dependent or addict, it can be hard watching those you love go through their own recovery.  We wish we can just give advice and hope they follow it.  However, all of us have to go through our own road to recovery so we can teach others.  Watching those we love continue to make the same choices over and over again can be depressing but all we can do is pray for them.  This is when we begin to feel powerless.  How we handle that feeling is going to determine whether or not we will trust God. All we can do is ask God for His help but this is not a little thing.  It's a huge thing.  It will make all the difference.

Reflection:
I admit I am powerless over certain parts of my life and I need God's help.

My Thorned Heart

Watch out from "left field".

I know for me in my own life, it is very difficult when things don't mesh together. I'm talking about every day life struggles.  Perhaps "normy's" get through it easier, I'm not sure; perhaps the coping skills of a "non-addictive person/ normy" is more tolerant, has better life skills, has tools that are applied, I don't know!  Whatever the scientific gene is that they, "normy's" have, we or at least I- know, I don't have them! 


This is how it goes for an addict.  Lets just say I have been clean for seven years.  I'm doing everything right, meetings, Church, good support group, Family is good, money issues are back on track, in all general purposes, life is good, Then, something out of left field occurs.  Your best friend, of some 20 years, has just been found dead.  In a rehab facility hospital non-the-less. You then get news that your about to be laid-off, and your oldest daughter tells you she's pregnant. This all happens in the course of about 2-weeks. You make it through all this with the right help, family support, all crisis of "slipping" has been avoided, how; "who-knows". 


Then a few weeks later you find out that the nagging pinched nerve in your back needs surgery. It can't be avoided. You get through it, the surgery was successful. But out of left field comes this new problem, "prescription medication". Your life changes before you know it.  After some time passes, you look back, 10 years have gone by and your still on medication. You are still in pain, but you don't know why.  All I know is, I believe I need the medication. You convince yourself with the Doctor's help.  Little does anyone know, the usage has gotten way out of hand, and no-one needs that much medication.  After another failed marriage and the lose of everything once again. Rehab must again be the answer.  Again, you say, "what happened" how did this hit me, how did I not see this coming, how did I get so bad. 


These are the questions many of us ask ourselves, after the fact of course. The thing we need to watch out for is "everything" our attitude, or health, our surroundings/ environment, our friends, even our strengths and weaknesses.  Balance in life is so important when we are addicts. Even if we aren't addicts. There are going to be times when we least expect "satan will arrive" usually out of left field. There is no way to predict, or keep these events from happening.  But I believe, with balance in our lives, they will be easier to avoid.  Perhaps we may even be more prepared to recognize the demon before or at the time he appears.  


Good luck to you in establishing "balance" in your life, and making certain that history does not repeat itself.


Michael Angelo

Some times you just have to "GIVE BACK"

Most of the time,  in our disease of addiction it's "about us".  What we're going through, how bad were hurting; I know these feelings because I had them all the time.  The issue of addiction is very selfish and "self-consuming". We are constantly the center of attention with our families, and or our "normy" friends.  


Once we get on our path to recovery, we need to start thinking of others and giving back. Believe it or not, there are others out there who need our help and it is good for our own recovery to deflect our mind away from the cravings, the hurt, and the self absorption.  Doing some good for someone else just feels good.  It makes me feel as though my addiction, my issues, my problems, can actually help someone else.


It's like the motto we have all heard "pay it forward". In other words, help someone else because someones else helped me before. I know this takes time, for me personally it took many years before I would even care about helping anyone.  It was always about me.  I thought the world evolved around "ME".  Well guess what, It doesn't. 


So, what I am trying to convey to people out there who have been recovering from their addiction. Reach your hand out and help someone else that may be in that same place we were years ago, months ago, days ago. Addicts respond better to someone that has been through the same kind of Hell.  Hopefully to be able to bring them out of the misery and on to the path of salvation and righteousness.  Just to know that possibly, a life was saved.  Then in turn, another, and another. WOW, what a concept.


May God Bless you all in you personal battle in recovery. Remember, you don't have to do it alone! Were here to talk, blog and share.


Michael Angelo

Is it all falling apart ?

If you finally say to yourself as I did many years ago, "Is it all falling apart" then you definitely are ready to give LIFE another shot.  I know! believe me when I say that. I do remember when getting high, drunk, spent, tweaked, tuned, tanked, smashed, hammered & wasted used to be fun. Yes, I said FUN. If you want to call jumping your 1977 VW Shirraco over a 4-5 foot dirt mound because I thought I was on the freeway on-ramp- fun!


Or how about not knowing how you got from Laguna Niguel, Ca., then realizing that you were on your way to Las Vegas, Yes, I'm talking over 150 miles of NO recollection of driving. I even had money that I had no idea where it came from. Not until 29 days later when the credit card statement came. Even more embarrassing, I disputed the transaction and the bank sent me my picture from the ATM camera- yeah, and there was my dead face picture looking right at me!, scary as hell.


Or do you want me to tell you the time I ran in to the back of a car, because of nodding off behind the wheel. The worst feeling in the world is when you see that that car had a Baby in it, and the Mother wanted to kill me. I could sense her utter disgust in me. I could not have felt more horrible in my life. Why? because I was responsible. Thankfully I sobered up before the cops came and I was only going about 15 mph. but it could have been much worse.


After that, I said those words, "Is it all falling apart" I asked for help , and got it. Thankfully before I killed someone. There are many people in prison telling a different side of their story that didn't go the way mine did. I couldn't bare knowing I took a human life because of just wanting to satisfy my craving. I would die of shame in prison.


But now, this is where the story has more hope.  By going to recovery, I have learned first of all.  This addiction we speak of is, "A disease of the mind, coupled with an obsession of the body"  Please re-read that to yourself several times until it sinks in. So- what to do, it's simple, but hard to do!  You have to change everything you do from this day forward. Your thinking, your driving routes, your friends, your compulsions and how you act on them. Yeah, everything. The old you must die, and unfortunately we must kill him or her ourselves. 


Good luck to you and God be with you because remember.  You could be one of those people in prison thinking back on what you did.  Lets NOT let that happen, Please.


Michael Angelo

Don't ever let your guard down

There's one thing you can always count on with any addiction. "When your guard is down, and your weak, the Devil will strike" I have been fighting various addictions for over 35 years. From Cocaine & alcohol, to all sorts of pain-killers and everything in-between,  I did them.


The point I'm trying to make is that "your NEVER out of the woods" or in a safe zone. The drug, or someone with the drug will always find you- and they will happen to find you when your weak. That's how it always works. That's NOT a good thing, it's the way Satan attacks us.  Yes that's right, I believe in Satan. I know he's real because I've seen  him, just as I've seen Jesus. In a dream yes- but it's one way the Lord will choose to communicate. 


We can never be without or guard, allow me to clarify.  My guard is the word of God, The Bible, scripture to be more accurate. When the temptation is upon me - I need to recall some scripture to allow my spirit to get pumped up. Nothing is more powerful than the "word of God".  Satan cannot win when we pull out scripture, so he devises sneaky, evil, deceitful ways to penetrate the armor or at least allow us to lower it momentarily so he can get into our head.  ex: Maybe it's a friend who appears to you in the middle of the night.  He's down and out and needs a place to stay. We give in- then sometime during the evening it happens "the friend pulls out the dope" your caught off guard- just for a moment, but it's enough to find us weak and vulnerable.  Then It's too late!


You finally come around, 2-3 days later after a severe  bender. The friend is gone and so is your money, your pride and whatever sobriety time you had managed to put together.  Now I'm really screwed, because I need more to feel normal again. The cycle is now started once again. He's got me right where he wants me.  Time to get back on track


Always keep your guard up... Please let this be a lesson to us all.


Michael Angelo

Father's Day Weekend

I have a question for all you recovering addicts out there. Is it a good idea to have a beer once a week? How about a few beers one day a week?  I thought that if you were an addict, you are not supposed to drink at all??  Father's Day weekend, I was with my family and there were three men that are supposed to be recovering addicts but they had a beer(s).  I felt like it was wrong but I don't run their program. It's not my job to be their sponsor, or their conscience.  I feel like some people who are addicted to pills maybe can have a beer once a week and it won't affect their sobriety. I know some people who are recovering will not agree with this because more than likely, once you start with a beer, you go to the next thing.  I have watched these men handle their drinking but I do feel it affects other things like attitude, health, and driving ability.  I guess time will tell the real true answer to my question but if it were me, I don't think I would risk it. Then there's the other question, if you know someone is a recovering alcoholic or drug user, do you drink in front of them?  I think it's best not to tempt them.  Will God hold us accountable for making our neighbor fall?  Yes, He will!  We are our brother's keeper. Or are we? 

Like a thief in the night.

Addiction is like a thief in the night. One day after years of what is seemingly- innocent partying every now and then,  then suddenly it seems, turns into not being able to do anything without including alcohol or some mind altering substance. I stop and think, damn, how long have I been doing this. I think back and reminisce a little on past experiences, some good and some bad.  Perhaps even an accident or a DUI may have been included.  Maybe I even went to treatment once or twice, always because someone else wanted me to. The children, now grown don't really talk to you that much any more. Your wife of 25 years was the last one to finally give up on you.


So I think, what the hell happened. Now I find myself alone with my own conscience. No one to tell me what to do or how to do it. It's just me and my thoughts-  alone. Now I have to drink or use just to keep the demons out of my head. Why, because what else is there. The enjoyment of "the old days" are long gone. I use now only to numb the feelings of the past.  It has even become more and more difficult to stay in the same job or even the same line of work. I think back when I was somebody, employers being excited about me coming on-board with their company. Now what, I'm working in this dive office or factory just to pay the bills, or I'm not even working at all because I am like the plague.  No one wants me anymore because of the damage I've done. I can't hide it anymore.


There are only two alternative when we as addicts get to this point.  A. Recovery with the acceptance that we have a problem. or, B. live alone a little longer and die. 


What choice will you make today?


May God be with you.


Michael Angelo

Old Habits, Co-Dependancy

In our sickness of addiction we, I mean me had become quite selfish. I was always my number one topic, and why wasn't everyone talking about me, or helping me, or putting me first. Damn that sounds awful just thinking about it. This can also be an issue with our significant others. Since they were put in the back-seat so often, they may feel NOW that it's time for the "ME" season. Or, It's about time someone thought of me. These habits are hard to break.


Well, these thoughts and feelings, are somewhat valid. they are also sick co-dependant irrational behaviors of the co-dependant.  We all had choices in the addict/ co-dependant relationship. No one was forcing us to stay in that sick relationship. I have heard it all- believe me. "I didn't want to end the sacred vow of marriage" or "If I would have left, he or she would have died" or "I did it for the children" It's all bull-shit, any way you slice it, it's still crap!


What the co-dependant should do is,  A. give an ultimatum. B. follow through. C. Let the addict heal, while you do the same. This is anything but selfish, it's survival.  It's hell out there. If you choose to stay in an addictive relationship, you deserve "everything" your going through- period!


Co-dependency can be ten times worse that the addict himself.  Why, because they have the fact of not being an addict. when in fact "they are" their drug of choice just so happens to be another human being, and "control" which is the worse form of sickness on the planet. Because "YOU CAN'T WIN"! No-one can control, change or influence an addict. No one but God himself. That's when the spiritual awakening happens, and it can't happen when there's a controlling co-dependant around.


There are us addicts out there who are also co-dependant. Damn I feel sorry for that person.  This is a job for God and his team of Angels. But there is hope for these people as well. 


There's "always" hope.


Thank you, 


Michael Angelo

Brain Damage

I guess I thought that after all those years of drinking and using, I would be fine.  Well I guessed wrong. I remember my mind was quick and responsive, now, not so much. I remember being able to recall specific events in my life so as to enlighten others, now, not so much. I remember when I could win or at least be second at trivial pursuit, now, not so much. Hell I can't even remember specific partying times that were once so cool to bring up. 


Yeah, the brain and the ability to remember, the knowledge I once had, it's mostly gone. I can only recall snippets of events, that is to say I remember being there.  Our brain cells, billions and billions eventually get dwindled down to nothing, and they are "irreplaceable". Thankfully I stopped when I did, but the effects are still there. Sometimes people ask me, do you have  a clue? I have to think about the question for a moment. In my mind I'm thinking, clue about what!  I already forgot the question.


This can be avoided by stopping a lot earlier in life. That's the only advise I could give. Don't do what I did. That's all!


Michael Angelo

Why a "thorned" heart?

Maybe some of you are wondering why we chose this name for our site and our blogspot? Team Filantrypico chose this name because when you listen to the song by Santana, the song talks about a love that is now gone and how it hurts so badly. He cries out to his mama, but that doesn't help. He continues throughout the whole song crying out about his thorned heart.

The same thing happens when you let go and let God. Letting go is the hardest thing we will ever do. We will cry out when we let go. Letting go of an addiction, a loved one that's bad for you, or a thing that has overtaken you, it hurts.

However, there's hope!  Letting go will leave room for something greater.  If we choose to go down the road of recovery and not make the same mistakes, then and only then will beautiful things take the place of that horrible pain.

Trust God to bring you what you need. He knows what you need and when you need it.

Keep coming back it works~

Filantrypico President

Bronwen Healy

I went to a CR (Celebrate Recovery) meeting last night up the street at First Christian Church because they had a special guest speaker.  Her name is Bronwen Healy.  She is from Australia and she has written a couple books about her testimony and what it means to "inch closer to God".  She was amazing!  Her story is courageous and she is not much different than the rest of us who either had or have addictions or has or had "issues". 

The thing she kept saying that resonated in me was, " Your past is not your future".  But I guess it can be if we choose not to respond to the call to change.  I definitely don't want my past to be my future.  I pray that as each one of you wake up each day that you make that decision to say what Bronwen says-"What I did, is not who I am." 

Be blessed today.
What can you do for God today?

Filantrypico President

People we hurt...

An addict doesn't know or want to face the fact of being responsible for hurting anyone else. It's the last topic I wanted to face, I know that. I just thought everyone around me would just go about on their marry way. Oops, big mistake, here's a clue of how many family members become affected.


My mother and father, all my siblings, my wife and 4-children, my nieces and nephews, In my case about 5-6 teenage to adults kids. My employer if,  I am still employed. That equates to about 15-19 people. Not to mention others that were praying for my recovery through family request.


But that is just me, there are other people that had huge families. I only want the people out there to realize the impact of addiction to others. That's why there are interventions. My immediate Family tried this on me, it didn't work because I was not ready. I had not hit my bottom yet.


Your bottom doesn't have to be like mine. Believe me when I tell you that the de-tox was hell, but the rewards are Heavenly. I always think about others suffering. I will never forget that time in my life. The new beginning, new sober friends, finding new things to do without using. All the new things that go along with living a drug-free lifestyle.


Thank you, I hope and pray your bottom is up a little higher than mine was


Michael Angelo

The feeling after

I know things have gone wrong when I've been on a 3-day bender "binge"and my bank account is bone-dry, my wife can't take it anymore, she's already threatening to leave.  We were all supposed to go to a "memorial day" family celebration. I know no-one wants to go with me after what I've done "once again", my wife has already told the kids that their Daddy is sick.  But all I can think of is going to that party because there's booze there, and maybe some ones got a little something extra to make me feel better. 


I go ahead and go by myself, why not, I'm an addict. Then to make matters worse - after I've had a few, I start telling everyone what a terrible wife I have "that's why she's not there" thus driving a deeper wedge into the marriage. Why do I do this?  To make myself look better to others, then maybe people will even "console me".  But they'll  find out the truth, soon enough. Women have a network that travels at high speed.


This is just one little story of what I used to do. There's a lot of us out there whom I know can relate to this little story of despair. 
Reach out to others, cry out to God if you have to, do something to change this torturous journey. "The first step in any journey begins with a single step". It's the same for recovery. The first step is admitting there is a problem. 


Take that first step today.


Thank you, Michael Angelo

Week-end Jitters

Here's a real dilemma. I've already made commitments to my "using" buddies, it's now Friday morning. I can either commit to my Family           responsibilities and commitments that I made to them weeks ago, or to the guys & women I was with at the bar last night remember, "prime-night".  


I'm even thinking about calling in sick, because I'm already making myself feel like crap because of all the decisions and thoughts going through my head. I don't feel like eating because I'll probably throw it up anyway. 


I've got the jitters bad, because I need a drink or something to make me feel better. So this is when I realize "I've got a problem" I need to tell my wife or my Boss, or someone.


This is the crucial time time in ones life when we make that life-changing decision to- either get some help, or shrug it off and stay out there.


I know what decision I made years ago, what decision are you going to make today. Reach out and tell someone what's going on inside your head.


Make the right decision, "RECOVERY"


Thank you and God Bless


Michael Angelo  

Prime Night

When I was using, we always had a specific day that was special to us, it was for some reason, "Thursday night" we called it prime-night for what ever reason, something would always be happening on Thursday night, so it would in some way "prime us up for the week-end" thus creating "prime-night".  Anyway, it was never a good thing. Sometimes you would prime yourself out of work on Friday, therefore creating a 3-day weekend. Another reason to love "prime-night".


Now your drug of choice is really getting some good marketing. Oh yeah, Satan knows about good marketing, it's one of his majors. Now we find ourselves stretching our week-end out to 3-1/2 days. Oh yeah, don't forget the dreaded Monday that follows. Oh my Gosh, who wants to go back to work after partying for 3-1/2 days. Oh no, you better call in sick. Listen to this fact; "George Washington University" did a study in 2007 and found that 75% of our work force drink heavily. This equates to 9.6 million people lose an average of 36 hrs. a month of "work -time loss due to alcohol or drugs". Think about it, that kind of means we are almost calling in sick once a week. Sounds about right for what I was doing.


Lord help us. This is serious people. Some of us justify it and say "I've got vacation time I need to use or lose" so why not use it. or I love hearing people that say, well I never really ever call in sick, so what the hell. What they mean is "they've never really been sick, a hangover isn't really being sick". I've heard it all, being in management for over 16 years in the manufacturing industry- you hear every excuse known to man. I know people that have had 3-4 sets of Grand-parents pass away, or wives that have given birth to babies twice in one year. Yeah, we addicts & alcoholics aren't that smart when it comes to memory.


Please, realize what your doing to yourself and others when we use. Think about it when you agree to go have "one drink" on a Thursday night. we are in big trouble with this problem, the bad-guys are winning.  Lets allow the good guys to get some leverage in our lives. 

Fighting the demons

For "addicts" the demons can be a lot of different things other than Satan himself.  It could be  "the urge"  or "the trigger" or maybe even the smell of a familiar scent  that you had when you were using. Perhaps a chemical smell of some-kind would  trigger your brain into having a craving, you wouldn't even know it was happening  until you found yourself on your way to score, that's when something happens to  us and we have what we call  "a moment of clarity" . This moment of clarity, to me is when God speaks to us and kind of gives us the  option to "get out" of  this  obsessiveness of scoring. Even the act of attempting to  use has an attractive romanticizing process to it.   If your like me, you know what  that  is,  you know that feeling. This is the feeling that's really hard to fight,   because at this point-  you haven't really done anything yet.  But your flesh senses  "it's coming"  This is where we must stop and say "God help me to resist this  temptation"  The Lord always comes through for us in this time of desperation. Although, we  are the ones that  have to make the decision. It's literally good verses evil. I pray that good triumphs over evil in your life today, and in mine as well. Michael Angelo

On your way through recovery

Okay, now you've got step one under your belt. Your hopefully going to some meetings now, or maybe church CR "celebrate recovery", you've got a sponsor, you better have one. Your now getting some ammunition and tools for fighting off impulses and urges and re-directing bad thoughts.


Now I would suggest getting tight with someone (preferably someone of the same sex) Usually this is the sponsor, but doesn't have to be. Remember, a sponsor most likely has other addicts he or she is working with. It just helps because you want to be able to have that phone number by your bed-side when things get really bad,  remember you should already have a phone list from your local home-group, if not "get-one"  You may be having dreams of using, drinking, whatever your "DOC" (drug of choice) was. Don't worry too much- this is normal. Use the numbers, don't worry about the time, all addicts understand. They've been there too.


Get involved in activities, i.e.; bowling, fund-raising, whatever the group has in their agenda. Most A-A organizations have an activity list. Basically this allows you to start learning how to have fun without getting hammered, also "being of service"  which is one of the A-A traditions, from making coffee to cleaning up after meetings.


All these things mentioned are to assist you in your recovery. If you do as suggested, your chances of re-lapse reduce "BIG-TIME" you may even start liking it. I know I did. Why not, your around people that can relate to you, they talk the same as you, they understand you, and they really will learn to Love you if you just "be honest" starting with yourself.


Good Luck, and God Bless.


Michael Angelo

First step of Addiction rcovery

It doesn't really matter what your drug of choice may be. Alcohol, cocaine, pills, meth, It's all the same, you know it's tearing you up inside.  It just doesn't have anything good that comes from it, other than that  "Initial Buzz" and we keep searching for it. So we keep doing it and doing it, the next thing you know 5-10 years has gone by and you really don't know how you ended up losing all your loved ones, your job, your money, your dignity and your respect- towards yourself as well as others.


You realize you need help. Maybe you've done some terrible things during that time to sustain your habit, like lying to your boss about why you can't come to work, cash withdrawals from credit cards, making up excuses and borrowing money from family. This is why it's so hard for most of us to take that initial step in recovery. We just don't want anyone to find out. It's that "pride" that holds us back. All those things must come out. We need to be free from that "self-guilt".


That first step is the hardest. There are people and organizations that can help. We don't have to live like that anymore. The first step to getting help is admitting that we have a problem. 


Please reach out and get the help you need,


Michael Angelo

Addictions with the help of the doc.

When we find ourselves addicted to drugs, alcohol, or whatever.....we don't normally know we are addicted.  However, eventually our significant other tells us that we are addicts and then our family members, then our manager at our jobs. and our pastor.  You get the message..  Anyway, eventually if we want to get better we start going to meetings and getting help, right?  We hear stories, testimonies, people are hurting, and those people sitting next to you might even be co-dependent....duh!  What I'm trying to say is we all have our reasons for using, abusing, and controlling.  But we all want to get better, well not everyone wants to get better.  If we do, then we begin therapy, 12 Step programs, going back to church, and getting a sponsor.  This is where it all begins.  The other thing I want to mention is that we sometimes become addicted because of health reasons.  For instance, if your doc puts you on pain meds, like House...then you start popping your Codeine.  Or, Vicodin  and then you realize that your doctor helped get you addicted..Wow, that's just peachy.  Thanks doc!  If this is you, I would like to introduce you to a friend of mine who is in the situation exactly. Michael Angelo just started writing his book about how he got to that place but check out his blog and get acquainted. http://filantrypicopman-painsuffering.blogspot.com/

Co-Dependency

How do we stop trying to control others?  We do this by focusing on ourselves.  Is this easy? No, it's not easy.  We tend to want to stop looking at ourselves and look at what our significant other is doing.  We have to remember that we can only control the actions of our self.  We are not to blame for the choices other people make.  We are not to blame if how they treat us is abusive.  But we are responsible to get out of a bad situation. If you stick around the abuser and you're not an addict, then perhaps you are sicker than you think.  It is important to find support in others that we can count on.  However, that someone needs to be healthy.  Support groups like AA, Al-Anon, and Celebrate Recovery are just some of those options.  There is also counseling and therapy that we can take advantage of to stay on the right path to recovery.  If we don't step out in faith and get the help we need, nothing will change. That first step is always hard but it's the best decision you will ever make. When we sit amongst others and listen to their stories, we sometimes realize that we don't have it so bad after all.  We also sometimes see how we have ignored situations and hoped for the best.  Hoping does not change the present or the future.  We must act!  When we act, we get results.  In order to do what's best for our self we must weigh the options and choose the path that is the most rewarding. The path of peace will set us free.  Today, we must let go and let God. However, when you get to that door that you are afraid to walk through, step into it.  Take that leap of faith. Get the help you so desperately deserve and need.  Don't be afraid to walk alone, God is with you.  Even though you can't see Him, he is right there waiting for you to trust Him.  Let Him show you the way today. Ask Him what to do next.  He will quickly show you.  Say this with me. 

God, what do you want me to do today?  God, will you show me the way today? 

Watch God work in your life.  Remember, we can't tell God, we must ask. That is the secret to His presence in your life.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference. Keep coming back. It works!

The Mission of Filantrypico™ and Mi Corazon Espinado™

Mi Corazon Espinado™, a branch of Finaltrypico™, endeavors to reach out to those people suffering with addiction, weather it be; drugs, obesity, pornography, smoking, drinking, you name it. Anything that is holding you back and keeping you from your day-to-day commitments and responsibilities is an "addiction". If you can admit that the addiction is more powerful than you, then you have a problem and you've made the first step. We want to help!!!  In such ways as: connecting you with loving experienced addicts that can get you started on your road to change. We can also help you find places to go for immediate assistance, meetings, and support groups, and help you seek out sober living environments. If your ready to start your life a-new, we want to help you get there. Addicts say, "it's the hardest thing you will ever have to do, but if you do it, it will be the most rewarding and gratifying thing you've ever done". Not only for you, but your family, God, and friends that love and care about you.