In our sickness of addiction we, I mean me had become quite selfish. I was always my number one topic, and why wasn't everyone talking about me, or helping me, or putting me first. Damn that sounds awful just thinking about it. This can also be an issue with our significant others. Since they were put in the back-seat so often, they may feel NOW that it's time for the "ME" season. Or, It's about time someone thought of me. These habits are hard to break.
Well, these thoughts and feelings, are somewhat valid. they are also sick co-dependant irrational behaviors of the co-dependant. We all had choices in the addict/ co-dependant relationship. No one was forcing us to stay in that sick relationship. I have heard it all- believe me. "I didn't want to end the sacred vow of marriage" or "If I would have left, he or she would have died" or "I did it for the children" It's all bull-shit, any way you slice it, it's still crap!
What the co-dependant should do is, A. give an ultimatum. B. follow through. C. Let the addict heal, while you do the same. This is anything but selfish, it's survival. It's hell out there. If you choose to stay in an addictive relationship, you deserve "everything" your going through- period!
Co-dependency can be ten times worse that the addict himself. Why, because they have the fact of not being an addict. when in fact "they are" their drug of choice just so happens to be another human being, and "control" which is the worse form of sickness on the planet. Because "YOU CAN'T WIN"! No-one can control, change or influence an addict. No one but God himself. That's when the spiritual awakening happens, and it can't happen when there's a controlling co-dependant around.
There are us addicts out there who are also co-dependant. Damn I feel sorry for that person. This is a job for God and his team of Angels. But there is hope for these people as well.
There's "always" hope.
Thank you,
Michael Angelo
Mi Corazon Espinado, a branch of Finaltrypico™, endeavors to reach out to those people suffering with addiction, weather it be; drugs, obesity, pornography, smoking, drinking, you name it. Anything that is holding you back and keeping you from your day-to-day commitments and responsibilities is an "addiction". If you can admit that the addiction is more powerful than you, then you have a problem and you've made the first step.
Michael,
ReplyDeleteThis is very true! I just realized this week that even though I am not addicted to any drug or alcohol, I was and have been addicted in the past to my spouse. You are correct when you say this is a sickness.
As we grow up, we watch our parents do what we vow we will never do as adults. But because of learned behavior, we do it unless we get help before the patterns emerge. I am just barely on my road to recovery and I'm in my 50's.
A co-dependent person who has no other addictions really needs the help of a counselor if they want a healthy marriage. The best way to start this is with a program or a class that's more for getting healthy in your daily life. Support groups like CR Celebrate Recovery could be just that program.
We all have to "let go and let God" the addict and the co. Control is an addiction and if you don't stop you will lose everyone around you eventually. With controlling behavior comes negativity and other poor behavioral mechanisms that drive people away, even those that want to love you but can't because of your controlling behavior.
Keep coming back, it works!